My Journey to MOTHERHOOD

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As I’m getting ready for wedding season and getting back to full work mode, I thought I should share my pregnancy and birth story while taking some time off to be with my baby. These past four months have been a true rollercoaster ride, filled with a lot of ups and downs while adjusting to mommy life and everything that comes with it. I think overall I had a pretty good pregnancy and can’t really complain, especially compared to some other pregnancy stories that I have heard. I was still coordinating weddings at nine months pregnant (with the help of my team of course) and had the sudden urge to do major house cleaning a week before my due date – I blame those crazy nesting hormones. The first trimester of my pregnancy I was mostly in shock mood and just had a lot of nausea and tiredness, which I especially hated because I couldn’t get much done. The second trimester of my pregnancy felt like the honeymoon stage, I felt so good and excited about my upcoming baby and I felt like I was high on happiness. I think if there was one main thing I would hate to do over again while pregnant it would be the ongoing and unbearable heartburn I had on a daily basis. It was very extreme, to the point where it was hard to eat much without throwing it up. However, the kicks and movements of my baby made up for all the discomfort (I miss that).
Three days before my due date, my husband and I made a trip to the hospital since I had contractions, but I was sent home since it turned out to be false labor. The next day I went again and they sent me back home since I was not dilated enough. On the third day, I was in so much pain that I started cursing out loud, but I didn’t want to go to the hospital and be sent home again for the third time in three days. My husband insisted we go and thought it might be baby time. As we got there and they started to check my dilation, I told the doctor, “I better be dilated because I’m not leaving this hospital without a baby.” (Hahaha). I was actually 4.5 centimeters dilated and got admitted right away. About two hours later I got major pain relief from my epidural injection. That injection felt amazing, as you don’t really feel pain, and if you start to feel it, you just press a button for more medication. During labor, we had some complications where the baby’s heart rate kept dropping and my treating staff started to get concerned. I really wanted vaginal delivery and didn’t anticipate doing a C-section, but the staff informed me that if the baby’s heart rate continued to drop then we would be forced to do an emergency C-section. After 23 hours in labor and finally being 10 centimeters dilated, we were left with no choice but to do the C-section. I was so scared and nervous and just started to cry, I really did not anticipate doing a C-section at all. I really wanted that first contact and bond with my baby the second she was born. It was a very emotional moment for me, especially going through all that for such long hours only to then have to go through with the C-section. I remember being so thirsty and craving water that I was willing to do anything for a few drops. From drinking so much water daily throughout my pregnancy then not having any for over 24 hours was brutal.
After being moved to the surgery room, I remember shaking uncontrollably but the nurse said it’s perfectly normal. My husband was in the room with me and was just whispering positive messages in my ear throughout the surgery. It’s a crazy feeling, it’s like you don’t feel pain but you feel pressure on your belly and actually feel when they take your baby out. Below my waist was covered so I couldn’t see anything, I could just hear the doctors and my husband’s voice. About 20 minutes later, my sweet Ella was born, and we heard her cry for the first time. It was such a happy moment and I remember thinking, “OMG, she’s here.” My husband rushed to the other side to meet her and cut the umbilical cord. That moment was so hard, to know your baby is right there but you can’t hold her or see her just yet because you are still in surgery and they are closing you up. After running some tests on Ella, my husband brought her to my side so I could meet her. I couldn’t believe it was actually my baby and she was finally here. She went from being in my belly for nine months and now she’s a real person and here with us. Taking childbirth classes and doing my own research, I knew skin-to-skin contact with my baby was very important seconds after birth. Even though I couldn’t do skin to skin due to my circumstances, I told my husband to make sure he does it (maybe that’s why they are bff’s now).
My recovery was going pretty well and I was up and walking the next day. I was released from the hospital two days after giving birth. I think for me the most emotional and traumatizing part was the first month after birth. I was so emotional to the point that I would cry every day and felt so sad. I felt so guilty at times because I would think god just blessed me with such an amazing gift and I’m sad and crying? But the hormones just take over and you can’t fight the feeling. Adjusting to the new lifestyle and trying to understand your baby and what she needs from her crying was definitely a process. I think the breastfeeding process just made things more challenging. Ella was having problems latching on from day one, so she wouldn’t get enough milk and kept crying non-stop. It’s so hard as a mother to see your baby go through something like that and feel like you can’t do anything to help. After the first couple of days I just started to pump and feed with a bottle to make sure she was getting enough food. She was doing a lot better after that since she was getting more milk. But the nonstop pumping and feeding was soooooo overwhelming. It’s like you are pumping, feeding, changing diapers or cleaning your pumping bottles. My husband and I probably had a max of 10 hours of sleep the first week, no joke. Being sleep deprived really triggers your hormones and just makes you more emotional. Thank god for family being there to help out and friends that would visit to kind of make you sane again. We also got the keys to our new home three weeks after Ella was born so we were trying to do some renovation before moving in on top of everything else. Around the same time, I got the flu and got so weak it was difficult to even stand up. It was a challenging week to have the flu and take care of an infant. My mom was helping out until she got the flu too lol thank god for my mother-in-law to come take over. I wasn’t producing enough milk during the time of my flu so I had no choice but to add formula as well to make sure Ella got enough food. I guess my immune system was so weak and I wasn’t getting enough nutrients to produce milk. It was so hard for me to accept and start giving her formula (it was another crying session lol). My husband was so supportive and helped me understand that it’s ok and not to over stress about it. He truly is an angel and I don’t know what I would do without his unconditional love and support.
The day after Ella’s one-month celebration, my father-in-law died from a sudden heart attack. It was a very tough time for my family and all I could think of was to be there for my husband at such an emotional time. The only thing that kept us going at that point was that we were so glad he got to meet Ella and was even there for her one-month celebration and took pictures with her. This is what I meant in the beginning of my blog when I said it’s been a true rollercoaster ride. With everything going on, the last thing I could think about was sitting there and pumping. All I wanted to do was be by my husband’s side and of course attend to Ella. I was just happy Ella digested the formula well and was getting enough milk.
Things are a lot better now and we are settled at our new place. I’m overly obsessed with her and miss her even when she’s just sleeping. It’s truly a blessing and they bring so much joy to a household. Life really does change and your priorities take a major flip but totally worth it when you just look at her and she has a huge smile on her face. I’m still learning something new about my baby and motherhood every day and I feel like the constant worrying to make sure she’s ok will always be there. I’m usually always with her but I’ll have my mom come over to watch her on certain days so I can go to my business meetings or just do personal errands. I’m grateful to have my own business and set my own schedules so I can have Ella as a priority while still doing what I LOVE. I like to take her out with me as much as I can even though it’s a hassle getting out with a baby because I want her to get used to people and outdoors. With that said, I’m ready for an amazing wedding season and get back into the wedding and event world. I hope you enjoyed reading my blog and hopefully you took something from this and I didn’t scare you too much lol. If I had to I would do it all over again because she is SO worth it. XoXo







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